By Alma Gomez Martinez
The Issue with Gender Reveal Parties
By Caterina Messina
Over the past 10 years or so, a new type of party has emerged in which many expecting straight and gay couples, as well as uncoupled pregnant people, have found it necessary to reveal their child’s ‘gender’ in extravagant and creative ways. Aside from simply throwing a baby shower, people are also throwing what are popularly referred to as “gender reveal parties”. While they may seem like simple parties, gender reveal parties are actually harmful to society and the next generation of children. While society has made progress in terms of evolving from strict gender stereotypes, these parties do nothing to aid in this progress. In fact, social progress is taking steps backwards by the mere existence and continuation of these parties.
First of all, the use of the word “gender” in the title “gender reveal parties” is incorrect. Gender is socially constructed and is expressed by the individual. In this case, the individual has not even been born yet to express? gender expression. Also, the doctor does not reveal the “gender” of the child; the doctor refers to the unborn child’s genitalia as its “sex”. Even if these parties were called “sex reveal parties”, there would still be major issues present. The main issue is that sex is also socially constructed. Sex is not static but rather runs on a spectrum which is reinforced by the existence of intersex babies. Intersex individuals are neither male or female, although they can express themselves through femininity or masculinity if they choose, which shows that these parties enforce negative gender norms. While gender reveal parties reinforce the toxic gender binary, calling them “sex reveal parties” will not fix this; rather it would erase the existence of intersex individuals altogether.
Gender norms were already in existence in every aspect of life before these parties. For example, clothes, toys, hygiene products, and many other objects are gendered in society and are used to reinforce these norms and roles. Allowing these types of parties to become normalized in society will hinder progress towards a more inclusive and accepting world. The obsession with gender before a child is even born can be harmful to the development and future expression of that child. For example, putting pressure on stereotypical gender norms will be harmful to children who are transgender or non-binary. If parents care so deeply about gender that they put this much effort into turning it into a party, children will have a difficult time expressing themselves outside of the social binary of gender. In the end, gender should not matter that much to expecting parents. Does revealing the child’s gender in such a way affect how you will treat your child? Will the color inside of a balloon change how you would raise your child depending on the color you see? Every child should be loved unconditionally, regardless of their sex or gender identity which is why “gender reveal parties” are harmful and pointless.
How Gender Roles Contribute to Toxic Masculinity
By Caterina Messina
Social gender roles dictate how most people are raised, behave and treat others. Within most societies, a person’s gender will dictate how they will be treated throughout their lifetime. Western society has created specific gender roles for feminine and masculine expressing people. It pushes heteronormativity and places people into different boxes based on how they are (assigned? Labeled?)born. This type of heteronormative society has constructed the idea of gender and sex which in turn has formed social gender roles. Generally, gender roles dictate that “women,” are to be stereotypically feminine and thus are expected to be polite, accommodating, and nurturing while “men,” are expected to be stereotypically masculine, and are expected to be strong, aggressive, and bold (Parenthood). Heteronormative societies also tend to erase or exclude gender non-conforming individuals or people who fall out of the socially constructed binary of gender. Aside from appearance, preferences, and behavior, gender roles dictate the overall interactional dynamic between all genders. It has become a stereotypical societal norm for masculine expression to be seen as superior and feminine expression to be inferior, regardless of gender. These stereotypes can affect the overall behavior of a person and the way they interact with someone of a different gender. People who want to appear more feminine may thus strategically act passive, naive, sexually inexperienced, and flirtatious or may be socialized to do so. People who wish to appear masculine may act as if they are dominant, aggressive, sexually experienced, insensitive, and demanding. These exaggerated gender stereotypes stem from a heteronormative society and can be dangerous in many different situations. For example, people who express femininity may mistake abuse for love because they are taught that they should be submissive towards aggressive behavior. People who express masculinity may, on the other hand, act physically and emotionally abusive towards their partners because they are taught that dominance is impressive(Parenthood). This dynamic between different types of gender expression is harmful to all parties and not only affects the way individuals interact with each other, but it also affects the way people view femininity and masculinity in general.
Toxic masculinity is the cultural ideal of “manliness” that has resulted from these gender roles. This is ingrained in many boys from the moment they are born and promotes the notion that strength is powerful and showing emotions is a sign of weakness. It also pushes the idea that masculinity is measured by sex, agression, and dominance and can be taken away through the display of emotional vulnerability, sexual modesty, or femininity (Lottinger). “Toxic masculinity” does not describe masculinity itself; instead it criticizes dangerous gendered behavior that results when societal expectations put pressure on masculine individuals to behave according to their assigned “role”. Men who express femininity are often put down by other men; due to the fact that femininity is seen as “inferior” to masculinity. Not only does toxic hypermasculine behavior harm interactions and relationships with individuals who express femininity, but it also harms relationships with other masculine people, and themselves. This has contributed to high suicide rates, inability to express emotions, abuse, addiction, and other harmful coping mechanisms that masculine individuals have taken on in order to deal with the “role” they were taught they must abide by. Deconstructing gender norms is the only preventative action that can be taken in order to save every person from the wrath of toxic masculinity and all of the dangers attached. Masculinity itself is not the problem; If every child is taught from a young age to be sensitive to themselves and others, ask for consent, and express themselves however they feel comfortable, then maybe there will be a day where toxic hypermasculinity is nonexistent.
References
Lottinger, and Gnosi. “What We Mean When We Say, ‘Toxic Masculinity.’” Teaching Tolerance, www.tolerance.org/magazine/what-we-mean-when-we-say-toxic-masculinity.
Parenthood, Planned. “Gender Identity & Roles: Feminine Traits & Stereotypes.” Planned Parenthood, www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sexual-orientation-gender/gender-gender-identity/what-are-gender-roles-and-stereotypes.
I would also add other readings on gender and sex for more extensive learning. My colleagues and I wrote this and found some great, accessible resources: https://digitalcommons.pace.edu/oer/3/
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